O Holy Watermelon

Before I continue to go about my day, which I have started a bit late for a few good reasons (1. I am 38 weeks pregnant, 2. I woke up late, 3. food and sleep are my current vocations), I would like to honor the Almighty Watermelon. 

If I could find my camera I would have a picture to share of the remains... from my watermelon binge at dawn... 5:45 this morning to be exact. They were remarkable I must say, comparable to a leg of lamb. I think some might think I am eating too much watermelon, that I'm some kind of fanatic or radical. Call me what you like, but I can only testify to what I have tasted, the satisfaction I have found. 

O Holy Watermelon, You wake me from my sleep, you call to me out of the depths of the ground from which you grow... and I must obey. No matter what craving I have, you quench it. I had a craving for potato chips, but we had none, so I ate of your fruit and the craving was gone. You're all that's on my mind, your sweet crunchy watery goodness is all that I could ask for. I could sing your praises alone, but I know there are many who would join me, pregnant and non-pregnant alike. Thank you for the satisfaction you bring to me, and to all. Amen. 

Right here

Lately my mind's been buzzing with all the practicalities of preparing for this homebirth, getting our home in order since we just moved to a 2-bedroom, and I find that I've been forgetting that I'm doing this all for my baby who is.... right here in my belly. Last night, I couldn't turn my mind off when suddenly my baby's feet started pushing on my belly so hard that I peered down and saw the protrusion, and it was like I woke up. "Hi!" I said to my baby for the first time in a while, it's little yet strong feet respond to my greeting and I rub them through my skin and uterus. I feel tears behind my eyes and a bit sad that I seem to forget how close my baby is to me. 

I cannot wrap my mind or heart around this. I really can't even find the right words to describe how big this feels to me. It's like God, it's like having God in my belly - where do you begin to try to reach out or connect or express  yourself without sounding trite and irreverent? Yet here I've been preparing and doing doing doing things for this baby, like I'm doing things for God and not realizing He's with me, my baby is with me... now. It's not even something I can prepare myself for, the moment I will meet my baby. I can foresee a flood of tears and overwhelming joy- like I'm meeting God, only not quite. 

What a gift! To be given a brand new person that is all yours, and also not yours, but its own - how incredible. And it'll look like me, and like him, and not be us. And when we meet, it won't be for the first time, because we've been connected for a while now, more connected than I can grasp. When we meet, maybe this will all make sense, or maybe it won't. It's so personal, and here I am journaling for whoever to read. But I'm not gonna shrug this off, I'm not too proud or tough to stand in awe, to feel and say how it feels. What a gift, that can be given to almost anyone. And yet, it feels like it's only happening to me and has never happened to anyone before.

Without words, we've been communicating all along, and I think my baby's better at it than I am. I limit what I call communication because I think too much. Maybe it'll be like meeting someone again who I knew in a dream or a past life... like, oh it's you! Or, don't we know each other? Wasn't it you who has been eating everything I eat, feeling what I feel, hanging out with my insides, and head-butting my pelvis? And it's you for whom these breasts were created and this milk is trickling out for. You, not he or she... you. You're right here, baby. 

Baby Butterfly

A baby has been born in our midst! Not the one in my womb, the one in my kitchen- a monarch butterfly.

This morning it must have hatched from its chrysalis when we were still asleep. Last night we stood in awe, the wings of the butterfly fully visible through the transparent chrysalis. Little did we know what we'd awake to find.

Trina Paulus gave us this monarch caterpillar. Twenty years ago, she wrote the famous book, Hope for the Flowers a tale for adolescents and adults alike, about caterpillars, life, revolution, and so much more. To this day, her home in Montclair is a home for these fabulous creatures- monarchs. When Jamie comes home from work, we plan on bringing our new friend back to Trina's yard on Elm Street- a monarch sanctuary where it can mate and lay its eggs on one of the many milkweed plants that grow. It is a female monarch, with her characteristic thick black stripes. Males have thin black stripes and two black dots on the bottoms of each lower wing.
The reason the chrysalis is suspended by a thread on a hook in our kitchen is that it fell from its silk string that it spun. Why? Because I was fooling with it out of concern for the position it suspended itself in, I was worried that it wouldn't have sufficient room in the plastic container to form its wings and unhatch unless it was hanging from the top rather than the side. But I was wrong, I've read that it could've grown and hatched fine in the position it put itself in. So it fell because of me and I followed some instructions I found online to suspend it from a thread, and I thought the hook in our kitchen looked like a good spot for it. It's been fun having it hang in such a random spot.

The butterfly has flown, I was there when it took flight from the chrysalis after hanging on it for a while. It was cool to have it perch on my hand a few times, too. I'd love to keep her, and perhaps find her a mating partner and milkweed to lay eggs on. But I've got another baby that's due to arrive soon.