Rhiannon Rua

At 9:30 pm

the wind started to blow

the clouds covered the sky

and I began my cries

Wave after wave came crashing

starting slow

only to grow

in passion

That passion began to swell within me

Flooding the doorway

of life

In holy breaking bodily

we roared

Sunrise

together born

Our baby girl, born 8/22/08 has been given a name! After spending an ecstatic and exhausting first week with her, we are able to get a sense of who she is. 

Rhiannon Rua Busch-Monahan - her first and middle names are pronounced ree-ANN-on / roo

Rhiannon is Celtic/Welsh related to the name Ryan. It means great queen, goddess, and also horse-tamer. She is a strong and passionate baby and we feel that she deserves a royal name. 

Rua means red in the Irish language. When I, Kieran, visited distant relatives in Ireland, I discovered that the Ryan clan whom I am related to were known as the "Ryan Rua". Because Ryan is such a common name, they would tag a nickname onto the end of each family's last name to distinguish them apart from the rest. This confirms that red hair is obviously a part of the family heritage. 

We are hyphenating our last names to combine them. This is similar to the Spanish tradition of the father's surname followed by the mother's surname. We want both of our surnames to be honored since they each are beautiful and full of rich heritage. 

Thank you for celebrating our wonderful daughter with us! 

James Arthur Busch

Kieran Ryan Monahan
and 

Rhiannon Rua Busch-Monahan

Ariel's therapist

Last night, as per recommended by our midwife, Jamie and I went for a free session with a "Therapist & Intuitive healer, New York State Licensed" who gives "Wholistic Birth and Family Counseling" in Nyack, NY. She came highly recommended as someone who could help us to ready ourselves as future parents, and even guide us in "meeting" and welcoming our baby now while it's in the womb. Sounded cool to us, and we were looking forward to it being a time for us to confront any issues we've been wrestling with. We were also told that this woman could relate to us spiritually even though she doesn't practice Christianity, because she is able to connect with most anyone wherever they're at spiritually. Okay, we thought, let's give it a try... after all, it's free! 

While walking to her apartment, Jamie said to me, "I hope she's not too kooky and New-Agey" to which I responded, "Oh I don't think she will be... look at her picture, she doesn't look it." 

Well. How silly of me to judge a book by its cover. 

Maybe she just felt like she could be a bit more open with us... or maybe we seemed like real "seekers" to her. Maybe that's why she decided to share a bit of her personal beliefs with us... like how there are other "beings", like us, who feel that their purpose on earth is to do service, and they don't feel like they quite belong in this world... but there will be a time when they will be able to live according to their purpose, but that time is not now, we are all in transition, the earth is in transition now.... And there are some websites that we should look up where they talk about all of this stuff... one website in particular is about this woman who is channeling the Angel, Ariel, and... 

"Ahh.. ahhhh.. ahhhh... ahhhhh... ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" I sang. "I am the Angel Ariel, mermaid of the heavens." I confessed. And I took off my top and told her to stare into the light force of my seashells and...

Okay, I'm making that part up... 

She was sensitive enough to ask us if the part about the woman channeling the angel, Ariel, weirded us out. "Um.. yeah.. yup." we both nodded. And yet that didn't really shut her up. Actually, she periodically asked us if things she was saying "weirded us out". Sometimes we said yes, sometimes no. I wondered why she kept sharing things that could've weirded us out. 

It wasn't all bad though, it wasn't a waste of time, we definitely got something out of it all. I mean, I'm pretty take charge in therapy sessions, I don't hesitate to share my shit.  I even wept at one point, I couldn't help it, it was involuntary. And I must say, I didn't care for the way she handled it. She didn't make me feel very... safe. I think she just wanted to talk about "cosmic" things instead. 

And maybe I'm just a bit picky when it comes to therapists because I was raised by one, a very professional one. And he took us as a family to another excellent therapist while growing up, only the best for us. So I have pretty high expectations, I know a good therapist when I see one. And I know a kook when I see one. And all I saw last night was a half-baked woman that could use a good lesson on professionalism... and probably a few more therapy sessions herself. 

Surrender

I really don't like how our culture is so obsessed with this thing called a 'due date'. "When are you due?" We ask one another. We want to know everything, not knowing is just too hard. Last night, upon entering Nordstroms to get a nursing bra, I stopped to try on some reduced price headbands and heard the salesclerk say, "Wow any minute now, huh? I saw your belly before I saw you!"

"I was due two days ago! I guess the baby's running late." I responded.

"No, the baby won't be late. The baby will be right on time. It'll come exactly when it's ready."

"I like that!" I said.

Her name is Keylolo, but probably spelled different than that, and she went on to say how one of her friends has had her 6 babies at home and just pops 'em right out with no problems. Surprised to hear this, I told her how I'm actually having a homebirth, too. We agreed that our culture is quite freaked out by this, but as she said, "How do they think our ancestors delivered babies?! It was probably in the woods!" Kindred spirits much?

Yesterday, my friend, Emma, told me that she came out quite "late", around 3 weeks past her "due date". Her mother just knew she was fine and would come when she was ready, so she didn't worry herself crazy about it. This hardly ever happens in our culture because our obgyns don't "let us" (we think we have no choice in the matter) go past 2 weeks overdue before they induce us artificially for fear that the placenta will stop working. From what I've heard, the likelihood of this happening is very rare, but it's a chance our doctors really don't want to take. But what about what we want as mothers? While they're more afraid of a lawsuit, they make us afraid for our babies' lives. We all want to control our lives and the lives of our children. But really! Who are we to be in control of everything?

To be in control or to surrender. That is the question. Which is best?

Well... in order to get pregnant in the first place, one must have sex. In order to have sex, can one be in control, or does one have to surrender? Now I'm not referring to any kind of dominatrix/submissive sex roles here. Maybe we should call it something different. How about instinctual vs. logical. When monkeys have sex, it's pretty instinctual I'd say, I don't think there's any logic to it whatsoever. Well, as for me, when logic comes into the bed with my husband and I, we end up in a fight. My logic, or desire to be in control, will physically cause me to tense up... until I finally surrender, or get instinctual... or LET GO. Why? It's the law, Sphincter Law. For more on Sphincter Law read my birth bible, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

Throughout this pregnancy, I've had to constantly surrender to what my body is doing--growing a human.  There have been plenty of worries that have tried to creep their way into my mind concerning miscarriage, sufficient weight gain, nutrition, preterm labor, you name it... but I've had to choose to not listen to them. And time and time again, my body shows me it knows what it's doing. 

Yes, that's right. My body knows what it's doing! I ought to listen closely. 

So, in order to give birth, shouldn't I follow suit and continue to surrender? Or should I try to be in control and treat the process logically, fighting my instincts that tell me what to do? The reason I'm choosing to have a homebirth is because I want to be free to do exactly what my body tells me to do. And even with a midwife there, ultimately it won't be her calling the shots unless I ask for her help. I will be the one delivering my baby, this is how she wants it because she knows it's best. Is this the same thing as wanting to be in control? It is a form of control, but more like letting our instincts have the control rather than our minds. A mother's instincts might not make much "sense" to a nurse or doctor when the data from the monitor screen is conflicting. I wonder how well a monkey would give birth in a hospital setting where the nurses and doctors don't let it act like a monkey, but want it be civilized like the rest of us. Hm... I can't really picture a successful, completely natural childbirth with a "civilized" mother. If acting civilized were a requirement, I think some medical interventions would be necessary. When it comes down to it, I really don't think we're much different than monkeys when we let our instincts guide us.

In fact, if a monkey could speak, I wonder how well it would answer the 5 basic questions people ask pregnant women today. Let's play pretend...

The 5 Basic Pregnancy Questions: An interview with a monkey...

1. "When are you due?"

Answer: "I don't know. When it's done cooking and my body starts to smoke."

2. "Do you know what you're having? Boy or girl?"

Answer: "I don't know, other than it being a monkey."

3. "Do you have names picked out yet?

Answer: "No. How can I name someone I've never seen before?"

4. "Do you have the monkey's nursery all set up yet?"

Answer: "No. Why would I put the baby monkey in a separate area than myself until it's not a baby?"

5. "How are you feeling?"

Answer: "Rather confused with all your questions. Why do you need to know all of this?"

See a trend here? Ah civilization.

The Due Date

My due date has arrived, and it's not as exciting as I thought it would be because... I'm not in labor yet! And I have no idea when this event will occur. But I feel relieved to have the labor pool inflated and set up in our bedroom! It seriously takes up half the room, and it's a big room. My midwife was definitely mistaken, she said we had the small pool, but this cannot be the small pool. It even has cup holders, 3 of them, along the sides! I'm gonna have it made, man. I got a little worried last night when the sink adaptor didn't seem to fit onto the sink and the hose, but lo and behold it works now because Jamie is better than I at such things. :) Today certainly would be a very pleasant day to be in labor, with the cool breeze going. Yesterday would've been cool too, and despite the pressure I was getting from my mother to push that baby out before 11:59 last night, I'm afraid my baby won't have an 8-08-08 birthday after all. And no, the pressure hasn't stopped, she called this morning and asked if I had the baby yet. I said yes, it just popped out this morning because, well, it is my due date, the day it's due.

But statistically, first time laboring women do not deliver their babies until 10 days past their due date. So, we'll see how average I am. And, frankly, I could use a few more days to get our little office area organized and do some filing. And I could get into better shape by walking some more and doing some more yoga poses so that I'm pumped up for the big day. I haven't been doing any of that lately. I'm a bad pregnant woman...

...And it would be nice to go swimming again, in the ocean preferably, but anywhere would do I suppose. I've just loved swimming lately. I think the baby's gonna be a swimmer, a merbaby like it's mermaid mama. And not to brag, because well, I am a mermaid, but I find it very funny that down the shore there are few who actually swim in the ocean while I, a big ol' white preggo in a bikini, can't get enough of it! I don't go to tan, that's for sure... and it is a hassle to lather up again and again, but so worth it to be with the ocean. But I don't think it's gonna happen because it would not be fun to be in labor and in the car headed back home from the shore. Oh no.

I do have a pool in my bedroom now... but that's a sacred pool, not to be used for leisure, but only for my baby's immersion into this world and out of my body. I think I'm going to print out some mermaid pictures to post on my wall around the pool for inspiration during labor. I'll never get too old to pretend to be a mermaid in the water... even while in labor. I wonder what else I could put up for inspiration... maybe big words of encouragement, like "Open", "Surrender", "The stronger it feels, the better it works"...etc.

Okay, I gotta go, the baby wants me to go for a walk now...